I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
