why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
