A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
