I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
