Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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