Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
