I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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