Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
