I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize