You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
