Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
