Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
