when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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