i permit you to call me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
