Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize