I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
