can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
