just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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