The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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