This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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