U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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