i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
