my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
