oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
