He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
