Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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