successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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