pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
