i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
