And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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