White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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