He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
