This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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