i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
