i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
