So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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