I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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