Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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