she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
