drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize