fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
