I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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