I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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