So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
