Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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