OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
