just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pants are for mortals
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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