The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
