dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i will never coherently bang her
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize