if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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