she woke up with a sticky ear
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
