Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
