you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
