I feel like abortions should bother me more
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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