don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
