this beer tastes like vomit already
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize