It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
