Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
