Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize