i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
