I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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