Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
