im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
