after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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