Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
