I think im going to throw up on grandma
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
