No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
