So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drunk is a universal language darling
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
