Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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