I love black thongs
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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