All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
