I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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