Your tits are I can't wait for
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
