See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
