Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize