I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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