I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Congratulations! We have a period
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