kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
